Part 6. “Show Me The Way To The Next Murphy’s Bar…”

The next day started out positively fine. In the morning, we had a lovely breakfast in The Bank House B&B, said good-bye to our nice hosts, and were on our way.

The beautiful breakfast room at The Bank House

The sky looked grayish, but it was dry, and after last day’s adventures we were positive that the worse was behind us. The stretch of the Wild Atlantic Way between Sneem and Caherdaniel promised breathtaking views of the Kenmare Bay, and an easy and relaxed ride. We were all up for that! After yesterday’s Eyeries mishap, how much worse could it possibly get?!… Guess what?… The Murphy’s Law was definitely on our side, and made sure we lived up to the name. Well, to be fair, it really did NOT get worse than the goat paths, but the day held adventures of its own…

Within an hour of leaving Sneem, we rode into a dense wall of fog that was getting thicker by the minute. We slowed down to a crawling speed, as seeing anything further than 2 meters ahead was simply impossible. The fog was so thick, it was almost possible to grab and make fog-balls to throw at each other! It also clung on to our clothes, creeping into every millimeter between our rain gear and skin, under gloves and helmets, making us feel like we were riding in some thick white soup. Slightly watered-down French onion, or cream of mushroom, maybe… We snailed on, trying to make the road and not run into any cyclists. For some reason the density of nutters on 2 wheels with no engines dramatically increased just on that day. Was it that much fun cycling in soup?… Needless to say, none of them had any lights on, and hard as they tried to keep as close to the side of the road as the mountains and the road markings (or absence thereof) would permit, their chances of survival seemed to be pretty slim.

Road construction works just added to the fun – in most places the 2-lane road was narrowed down to one lane, while the other one was being covered with fresh tarmac. No road markings or lights could be seen on either lane. Huge road-construction vehicles crawled in front of long queues of cars, bikes, horse-drawn carriages, and what else, causing horrible, snail-paced traffic jams, before gracefully and noisily parking at a dangerous angle on the side of the road facing the cliffs. We barely covered 20 km in 2 hours, and for fear of irrevocably damaging our nervous systems by this “riding” any further, had to stop for a cup of hot tea and a dry break.

Riding out of the fog

Two pots of tea (each!), and some quality dry time somewhere near Castlecove in a coffee shop, which name completely escapes me, but which morning choice of beverages are still warmly remembered, and we were ready to dip back into the fog soup. Needless to say, we could forget the views. They were well concealed and hidden from prying eyes. We did not really mind – semi-dry after our pit stop, we were just glad to be alive, and not hit a single cyclist or a road-construction vehicle. The rest of the day’s ride was not overly picturesque, but at least satisfyingly safe – by the end of it we mastered soup-riding quite well!

An interesting bit of road entertainment was encountered around KillorglinThe Wild Atlantic Way ran through a golf course, strategically positioned on both sides of the road. The foggy soup has partially dissolved by then, and golf balls could be clearly seen flying left, right and center, over the utterly bewildered motorists. We ducked, and sped up to avoid yet another road hazard of the day. We looked up the place later – Killorglin Golf Club. Whoever planned the space, obviously did not give a shit about the road cutting it in half, and had even fewer concerns for people driving or riding through it. Hats off to the unknown genius!… However, as crazy golf courses go, Killorglin is nowhere near the Dong Mueang Golf Course in Bangkok, strategically located between Runway 1 and Runway 2 of the old Dong Mueang Airport. The faces of passengers looking out of planes taking over or landing are priceless, and will beat Killorglin motorists any time!…

Our rather rudimentary breakfast planning had Dingle, the main (and only) town on the Dingle Peninsular, as a possible night stop, and fed up with soup and crazy golfers, this was where we were heading to. Fog, or no fog, we did most of that day, and all things considered, were quite proud of ourselves. We were ready for a well-deserved break, and Dingle seemed to be just the right place. We stopped bang in the middle of the marina parking lot, and looked around. There were no second thoughts or hesitations – the welcoming sign of Murphy’s Bar was staring us right in the face. We asked inside, and there were rooms to be had at a very palatable price in a nice little B&B above the bar. Within 10 minutes of arrival into Dingle (our personal record on this trip!), we were the proud owners of a key to a room with an en suite bathroom and shower, the bikes were safely parked in the back of the bar, and we were ready to explore the town.

Yes, this is our home (if only for the night)!

Not before paying our respects to the lovely establishment that provided our accommodation for the night, though. It was only early afternoon, but the place was full – mostly tourist families with children craving for an early dinner or late lunch. We spotted two seats at the end of the bar, and quickly landed our tired asses there. Within the 5 minutes it took to pour two lovely pints of Guinness, we were best friends with the barmaid. We won her heart by telling her our names were Murphy, yet, we were not sprouting Murphy’s T-shirts, or ordering Murphy’s Stout, or in any other way trying to claim too much of our Irish heritage. Unlike a group she had just a couple of hours earlier – she shared – a family of 5, all dressed and ordering as described above, and trying to sing Irish songs in a heavy Texas accent all at once… It wasn’t really hard to make a good impression after that, I’d say…

A lovely chat and a couple of pints later (isn’t it ironic how it’s never “just one”?…), we made a conscious effort to detach ourselves from the bar, and do some sightseeing before it got dark. This was only a temporary good-bye – we were full of good intentions to return and enjoy some live music before going to bed.

Dingle made a wonderful and lasting impression – colorful houses, windy little streets, and a nice marina. All downtown streets and the harbor were very busy – crowds of tourists were walking around in search of souvenirs, food, drink and general entertainment, and at times we had to elbow our way through the narrow streets. Yet, despite of these swarms of visitors, Dingle did not make an impression of a tourist trap. Somewhere, in the midst of all this mayhem the town managed to preserve its authenticity, and the tourists only enhanced it. Somehow, the local colors, the local humor, and the general atmosphere of a good craic were strong and undeterred.

According to online sources, the town also boasts a resident dolphin called Fungi (don’t ask why). Well, to be geographically correct, the dolphin does not reside in town, but rather in its harbor, and apparently does not come on shore. Visitors can admire his statue in the marina, and some even brave a boat ride in the hope of a personal encounter. We resolved to looking at the statue, and did not venture into the sea.  Our love of dolphins has its limits…

The colorful Dingle

Dingle also got remembered as the place that I finally OD’d on oysters. I have never really been a huge fan, and for some reason definitely did not associate Ireland with seafood. Before coming to the Green Island, Irish cuisine for me was limited to shepherd’s pie, full Irish breakfast, potatoes, and, well… more potatoes. Somehow, the fact that due to it being surrounded by water, fish and seafood should be a-plenty on the island, completely escaped my imagination. In my defense – not only mine. Few people associate Ireland with oyster country, but these seemed to be on the menu of each restaurant, pub and café we passed by. It took a lot of persuading, but eventually I agreed to try them, and after that – there was no stopping me! Whenever we went, the oysters were huge, fresh, almost indecent in their raw nakedness, and beautiful. I had them for dinner for about 4 days in a row, and the plate I got in Dingle in “The Boatyard” restaurant – a very stylish establishment down the road from the Murphy’s – were particularly delicious. They also turned out to be the last straw in my oyster fight. Luckily, I did not know it that evening (the joys of protein overdose were yet to descend on me the following morning), and having wolfed down a dozen (they went down particularly well accompanied by a creamy pint of Guinness), enjoyed myself to the fullest.

Oysters at The Boathouse

Back at the Murphy’s things were seriously kicking in. There were no seats left at the bar, but after some elbowing through to the end of the pub, we secured two standing spots by putting said elbows onto the bar. Thanks to our previously-struck friendship with the barmaid, we were not kicked out. Just the opposite – two beautiful pints of Guinness miraculously appeared in front of us, and with the full feeling of belonging we were ready for the evening to continue. The band was just setting up: two men whose middle ages were well past them, and both in desperate need of some dental work – one passionately stroking the top of an accordion, and the other one fiddling with the microphone. They may not have looked like much, but it all changed the moment they started singling. Like many good Irish bands, they were not professional musicians, and were probably doing some odd jobs by day. But, man, could they play that accordion and sing!… Even more – they were also great at heckling with the audience, and the bar patrons were as impatiently waiting for the breaks, as they were for the songs.

Murphy’s Bar great entertainment

The band played till 1 in the morning, and happy with our authentic Irish experience in a bar with our name above the door, we crawled upstairs for a good night’s sleep.

Our route on Day 4

Part 5. Roads Less Traveled

The morning of the next day greeted us with an unpleasant surprise in the form of bio-friendly, although uncalled-for bike decorations. When parking the Harleys the previous night, we considered safety first, and did not realize that the lamppost they were chained to happened to be the favorite hangout of the local seagulls… Our babies were artfully ornamented with bird shit all over!… The bikes looked like there was an overnight competition in target shitting going on, and a couple of late-entry participants were still sitting on the lamppost proudly observing the fruits of their labor. We quickly unlocked them and moved to a safe distance away from the competition zone, and cursing and panting, spent the next half an hour bringing the bikes to the original semi-pristine condition.

Our bikes before the seagull assault from the lamppost

Now, in some cultures, when a bird shits on your car, it’s supposed to bring you luck and riches. I don’t know if that extends to other motorized vehicles as well, but if yes, the amount of seagull shit that fell on our poor Harleys overnight should have made us both millionaires many, many times over. However, judging by the fact that neither of us had won the lotto yet, all of this is total bullshit. Or maybe we should just buy a ticket…

While we were cleaning our bikes, an old lady emerged from the house next to the B&B, and started viciously throwing bread crumbs at the seagulls. Within seconds, the competitors from the lamppost were joined by dozens of their friends and relatives, informed about the freebies through a fast-working wireless seagull telegraph. Not in the mood for more guano decorations, we packed our shit and moved on.

Crazy lady feeding the shitting seagulls

The riding menu for the day included the Beara Peninsular, in the middle of which County Cork meets County Kerry. In addition to spectacular views promised by our trustworthy Lonely Planet, the guide also mentioned a picturesque fairy town of Eyeries that over the years has become one of the favorite film- and TV-shooting locations whenever Ireland was pictured on a big screen. Never ones to miss a popular spot and a possible celebrity-sighting opportunity, we set our eyes on Eyeries, already imagining ourselves sipping a cup of midday tea with biscuits while lazily watching a Collin Farrell or a Liam Neeson shooting the next blockbuster on location. Well, all of this remained in our dreams only, although we did have our share of excitement of the day. Actually, a little more excitement that we had hoped or signed up for, but all in its turn.

Right out of Bantry we stopped at a vista point that provided a breathtaking view of the Bantry Bay with some dramatic clouds gathering over it (see Part 3 on the unpredictable Irish weather). We were also delighted at an opportunity of learning a bit about the local traditions. A billboard on the side of the vista point proudly informed passers-by about an Adrigole Festival & Gathering held in August, the advertised highlight of which was promised to be a duck race. Entertainment must be really scarce on the Beara Penunsular… Yet, somehow we were sad about visiting too early in the year and blowing our chances of witnessing this event…

View over Bantry Bay
The Duck Race poster

Breakfast at Barry’s Bed and Breakfast was rudimentary at least, and an hour into the journey our bodies started calling for a more substantial refill. We stopped for tea in a picturesque spot in Castletown-Berehaven (aka Castletownbere), and upon closer inspection of the menu at the Copper Kettle café on the main square, decided to throw in a full Irish breakfast and Eggs Benedict on top of that just in case. Both were much-needed and well-received. Sated, relaxed, and warmed up by two generously large pots of tea, we continued on our way.

A pit stop at Castletown-Berehaven

In hindsight, the pit-stop turned out to be a very good call, indeed, for the following hour’s fuckup put our nerves, riding skills, and general sanity to a serious and completely uncalled-for test. Earnestly and wholeheartedly we blame the fuckup on Mr. Stephen Fry. I am sure he is completely innocent and innocuous of our hour of suffering on the Beara Peninsular that day, but given he provided the voice to our GPS, he was the logical blaming target. Actually, in one of his latest auto-biographies, “The Fry Chronicles”, Mr. Fry admitted that after having provided his voice to a GPS company, he started receiving an alarming number of letters (most of them from elderly ladies), thanking him for giving them a hand with directions and admiring his expert knowledge of Spanish countryside and Scottish rural roads. Obviously, his vast geographical expertise did not reach as far as the North-West of Ireland, so we hope he would excuse us not joining in on his fan club in this particular area of interest…

We should have followed the signs…

Upon reaching the little town of Allihies, we intentionally ignored the very obvious signpost with a big arrow pointing to the town’s center, and fully intent on enjoying the scenic views instead of the urban platitudes, turned right instead of left. For the note, this was done with full consent and encouragement of Mr. Fry! The road climbed steadily up, and the scenery, that was not over-urbanized to begin with, started looking more and more rustic and desolate. After a couple of especially steep and narrow bends we stopped to consult the map and each other. Ahead of us lay gravel. Behind us lay treacherous downhill bends. From the top of the hill bordering on a small mountain we had a great bird’s eye view of the Ballidonegan Bay.

The view of Ballidonegan Bay

Mr. Fry enthusiastically urged us to continue on our trail, and after a short hesitation we succumbed to his charms. After all, how much worse can it be (we thought)?… Ha-ha! The answer to what seemed to be a rhetorical question at the time, turned out to be “A LOT!” The bike symbol on our Tom-Tom GPS suddenly changed into a hiker with a walking stick. This was not a good sign… Not a good sign at all…The gravel road continued to climb, turning into a goat path with every mad turn, the count of which we lost after a couple dozen of those.

Have you ever tried balancing a heavy Harley on a narrow and slippery gravel path, cut through by the zig-zag maze of rain washouts and adorned with huge fucking stones randomly but consistently positioned on said path?… Neither did we, before that day, but for better or for worse there’s the first time for everything… At least when the path was climbing up, we could keep control of the bikes by engine power, burning our gear boxes to shit. It was when it suddenly started snaking down at a precipitous angle, that we realized we were proper fucked. You simply can’t hold a heavy bike on the slippery gravel road going steeply down. The only way to keep it from rolling down is to keep it in gear. On wet gravel the gears work against you and make the bike slide faster. You can’t break by putting your legs to the ground, since you have to keep the bike in gear. The vicious circle continued to the joy of sheep and cows randomly positioned around the area and observing our acrobatics with sheer interest. That is, until we came face to face with yet another treacherous steep gravel bend that ended with a locked cow gate! Seriously?…

The treacherous turn before the cow gate

We managed to stop at a spot that did not automatically imply dropping the bikes and letting them fall over, but there was no chance in hell I would make that steep downhill bend on wet gravel!… I was sweating like a dog in Chinatown, at the same time feeling like a totally useless piece of shit – I could almost hear the cows and sheep on the hills laugh their socks off!..

Nic walked down to the cow gate, slipping on the gravel and almost falling down on his ass next to it, and unlocked it. And then, like a true gentlemen he is, he rode first his bike down, and then mine. I could honestly say that I had never loved my husband more than I did at that moment!!!

My brave husband opening up the cow gate!

We were too hyped up to take note of time (or anything but trying to get as far away from the fucking goat path, for that matter!), but when we finally reached the much-desired Eyeries and collapsed on the roadside bench, we realized that only an hour had passed since we left Castletownbere. I swear- this was the longest hour in our lives, and it definitely added at least a couple hundred grey hairs to our already not so dark and shiny coiffures… The next hour was spent in a totally vegetative state on that roadside bench, with only two diversions – one to get two coffees to calm down our nerves (had we not been operating motorized vehicles, two bottles of moonshine would have probably been a better call!), and the other one to take a photo of the really picturesque main street of Eyeries. The town was really pretty, but in out exhausted states of mind, we seriously had no shits to give. Needless to say, Collin Farrells and Liam Neesons were nowhere to be seen…

The picturesque downtown Eyeries

Still shaken from our goat path fuckup and not really trusting Mr. Fry anymore, we followed the road signs for the Northbound Wild Atlantic Way, and after a couple of more hours of riding we were done. We made it to a sweet little town of Sneem on a Ring of Kerry, found a lovely B&B by the name of The Bank House, the owner of which was not only NOT embarrassed to welcome two dirty and edgy bikers into his oasis of comfort, but even insisted we park them up front, considering the Harleys a cool advertisement for his respectable establishment!…

Our mighty steeds parked in front of the Bank House B&B

We could not have been happier! No more gravel, no more goat paths with sneering cows, no more feeling like total idiots, and no more (sorry Mr. Fry!) taking advice from electronic devices with seductive accents!… We showered with relief, changed into clean clothes, looked around Sneem (all of it’s 1.5 streets!), tried to pose for a replacement ad of the famous local pub (D O’Shea), had an obligatory oyster and Guinness dinner, and turned in for the night completely exhausted. We only did 148 km that day, but we felt like we aged at least 10 years each!…

Our route on Day 3