Part 9 – The day & morning after

Newly married and freshly hungover we spent the next day recovering, exploring the neighborhood, and celebrating the 4th of July.

Our merry group has started seeing some dents, though – some planned, others accidental, but all were solely missed:

  • brave Andy drove Nika across the desert back to LA to catch her morning flight to Russia to see her granny. And while there must have been a throw-up stop or two on the itinerary, his heroic feat the morning after could only call for applause.
  • Cindy and Sean spent the next day recovering with drawn curtains and room service – their feats in the photo booth were definitely making themselves known in the bright light of the following day!…
  • Olga and Sean of the Dead were going back to the Bay Area, but before they went the remaining gang met in Paris for a drink…
The Strip

Now, a few words about Vegas topography. The Strip, which is the main happening place with all the big hotel/casinos and old Vegas downtown are two different  places. Few people are familiar with the real downtown, unless they got married there (we did!). This is where all the chapels and other businesses working on Cupid call have their base of operations.

Venice – Vegas style

The Strip, on the other hand, is on the tip of everyone’s tongues. It hosts all the fake world sights – Paris, Venice, you name them, they are all there. It is considered en vogue to hate andĀ despise Vegas for being phony, but just like the commercial side of the Valentine’s Day and Christmas, I actually found them attractive. The fake Venice and Paris we saw in Vegas were definitely cleaner, more compact and slightly less crowded versions of the originals. You can enjoy them both indoors and outdoors, complete with the canals and singing gondoliers (in Venice), and narrow streets and fancy bistros (in Paris).

Paris – Vegas style.

On the way to Paris we observed a couple of typical local pastimes, that everywhere else in America apart from Vegas would have left people completely bewildered. Hordes of pedestrians were walking around sucking on what from a distance looked like big bongs, but upon closer inspection turned out to be extra large cocktail glasses, filled with disturbingly colorful icy concoctions. Public consumption of alcohol, just as indoor smoking, was apparently OK in Vegas. Another point in support of a theory that it’s not really a city, just a chain of interconnected Casinos.

Everybody who was not sucking on a oversized psychedelic cocktail was distributing porn ads. The elderly Chinese grandmas were especially skilled at flogging stacks of little business cards to unsuspecting passers buy. The cards showed a variety of naked women with invitations for a good time for all tastes and budgets and were especially popular with toddlers being dragged down the Strip by oversize moms. Prostitution, although frowned upon in Sin City proper, is absolutely legal in Nevada. So everything a lonely heart needs to do, is get out of the city border. For a couple extra bucks you can also be limoed out to the place of your choice.

In Paris, despite the excesses of last night and early morning promises to ourselves to keep it real today, we nipped into the wine (what else?), and spent an enjoyable couple of hours watching the world go by.  After tearful hugs and good byes it was time for Olga and Sean of the Dead to get on the way – after all, they had about 8 hours of driving ahead of them till they reached home in Oakland. Fletch and Jane decided to throw some bucks onto the roulette table (to the best of my knowledge, they were the only ones who actually contributed to the gambling industry that trip), and together with Thomas our remaining trio started in the direction of the hotel. We admired the fountains of the Bellagio, got stuck in a people jam at the overpass bridge of the Cezars Palace, got warmed up by the volcano at the Mirage, and finally enjoyed the famous Vegas July 4th fireworks along with a couple other thousand people crammed into the Strip for the occasion.

Last drinks in Paris

Half an hour before that, though, a mysterious text message appeared on my phone, with “where are you, be there in 15 min” from Olga and Sean of the Dead. And we thought they were mid-way to San Francisco!… Turned out they made it out of Vegas, drove for an hour, then realised they were two idiots who were about to spend the evening of the 4th of July in the middle of nowhere without even a room service, turned the car around and came back. Just in time for the fireworks display!

July 4th fireworks in Vegas. They weren’t as lame as on the photo, were just hard to catch on camera in the middle of a drunk crowd…

The fireworks were OK. Not as fantastic as the rumors promised them to be, but still decent enough. What was memorable though, was how the Vegas police sealed the Strip to all sorts of traffic within 5 or so minutes, letting hordes of people flood into the street, but seemed to be utterly amazed at the fact that said crowds did not clear up in the same amount of time after the fireworks display was over…

The fountains at the Bellaggio

Back at the hotel bar, the scene of so many late night vigils of the past couple of days, we once again repeated the tearful good byes, this one not only with Olga and Sean, but with the rest of the surviving gang as well (Cindy and Seattle Sean were still nowhere to be seen). The drinks program was repeated in a shorter version, as Fletch, Jane and Thomas had an early flight to catch, and Olga and Sean had all the good intentions of starting their drive back to Oakland as early as possible. We were intent on not repeating our mistake of being caught in Death Valley in midday heat, and planned to leave Vegas not later than 5 in the morning.

Part 8 – Nuptials, interrupted

So, the readers were almost left standing buy the altar… Sorry about that. Quite fitting, actually, for this was exactly where we all were at the end of the previous chapter.

Well, “the altar” was shaped as a McDonald’s drive-through window, and we were frying our asses on hot bikes trying to get to it through The Tunnel of Love of the Little White Wedding Chapel, waiting for the photographer/camera man (who must have been suffering even more than us, sweltering in a suit and tie in the full afternoon Vegas heat) to give us a sign to move on. The obvious minus of the drive through wedding was the need to be outdoors for the occasion, instead of enjoying the air-conditioned indoor environment… On second thought, we probably should have gone for the “Michael Jordan Package” instead of the “Biker’s Special“, but it was too late to change the theme…

Ready to tie the knot

Anyways, apparently, the heat was making itself known not only to us, and the ceremony got delayed by a bit of an unplanned drama. Waiting for the camera man’s sign, we had a good view of the wedding gang, assembled on the curbside by the drive-through window, and could not miss the sight of the San Francisco Sean slowly fainting down the chapel’s wall into an oblivion. Now, that was officially weird – one moment he was there smiling and waving at us to move on, and the next one he was being carried inside by the Chapel‘s helpful staff… The camera guy was all confused, the guests were in a disarray, and me and Nic simply could not move away from our hot bikes. Well, it isn’t a proper wedding if somebody does not pass out!… This will definitely sound wrong, but thank you, Sean, for adding this unforgettable piece of drama to the occasion!

After the ceremony we were filled in on his unforgettable experiences in the Chapel, and the events that for better or worse forever earned him the nickname of “Sean of the Dead“. Apparently, when he came around after having been supplied with much needed liquids in a refrigerated environment, Sean found himself in an unfamiliar and rather unsettling situation. He was in a strange, cold and brightly-lit place, and all he could see in the haze of coming back from no-man’s land was a young (i.e. pre- stretchy white jump suits) version of Elvis walking around with a cell phone glued to his ear, saying in a thick Southern accent “Yeah, man, yeah, I’ll take the gig!” Sean seriously thought he died and gone to Heaven, for where else would you encounter Elvis arranging his schedule on the phone in front of you?…

Back to The Tunnel of Love. Sean emerged from the insides of the Chapel with a shell-shocked look (the later Elvis update explained that), the camera man waved, and we rode the remainingĀ 10 meters to the drive-through altar and soon-to-be nuptial bliss. The minister on duty was Reverend Anthony Mayberry, who could easily double up as an uncle in any American sitcom – homey, smiley, instantly likeable and comforting. We met him about ten minutes earlier, when he very considerately inquired about our preferences and religious inclinations, and reassured us that it was absolutely OK to not have any. Apparently, his speech had the “by the power of God” line in it, and he wanted to make sure we would be OK with it. We seriously could not care less! Jane and Seany had to roll the dice as to who would sign the register (turned out, the State of Nevada only requires one witness). Jane got the register, and Seany got the rings. All others were just happily shooting photos and waiting for the big event.

At the altar

On a separate note, I have to say that The Little White Wedding Chapel is undoubtedly a mass-producing wedding factory. While we were getting ready for our drive through, two more couples were exchanging their vows in the chapel – one in the gazebo, being serenaded by Elvis, and the other at the alter inside – and two more wedding parties were waiting for their turn in the lobby. All this said, everyone we met at the Chapel was exceptionally attentive, personable, and made us feel absolutely special. There was none of that impatient “Ok, next!” vibe you often get at venues of mass celebrations – hats off to all the staff of the Chapel, they were the height of professionalism and consideration!

The wedding gang – the Vegas moment

The nuptials were over much faster than the preparations – a fast and warm speech by Reverend Mayberry later we were officially married! We parked the bikes around the corner, came back inside the Chapel (thank God!) for a round of photos, and ten minutes later were all but ready to drag our sweaty married asses back to the hotel. We found our way back to the Treasure Island, where after a quick “shit, showered and shave” the gang was ready for the party in no time.

Dinner with a view

The rest of the evening was a whirlwind of toasts, celebrations and irresponsible fun. It started with a limo ride to the Hard Rock Hotel, where we hit the bar and thoroughly enjoyed our first drinks of the day. Drinks were followed by a long and fabulous meal hand-picked by Thomas at the restaurant of same hotel. Having undoubtedly left a serious dent in their supplies of Malbec, shortly after midnight all 11 of us, well fed and lubricated, landed in a nearby dive bar on one of the shady Vegas back alleys.

The drink of the night

The Double Down Saloon was everything the night called for – an iconic clubhouse for the lunatic fringe and the self-proclaimed “happiest place on earth” with Ass Juice being the signature drink of the establishment. We felt right at home! Even though the toilet doors did not close and called for guards outside, in addition to great music, the place boasted an old-fashioned photo-booth. After a couple rounds of alcoholic beverages, paired with several rounds of shots of an even higher alcoholic content, the photo booth was in great demand. Not only was it a great place for doing shots at, you could also sing and lap dance there, without any risk of getting charged for indecent exposure for either, and get pictures to remember the event by! We made instant friends with a bunch of rough-looking bikers at the bar who turned out to be from the boondocks somewhere in Germany, drank the bar dry of Ass Juice, sang along to punk rock classics and took tons of shady photos in the booth. It was an epic beginning of a lifetime of bliss!…